I don’t believe that sadness has much value, but I do like a good cry.
I jotted this sentence, “It is with great, great, great sadness that I have decided…”
But, that’s bullshit. Delete. Delete. Delete. “I have decided…” Yes, better.
Making that decision made me feel great. Finally accepting that a change is due, makes me happy. What a relief! If it isn’t a good step, why choose it!
Sadness is what I feel when I become greedy. When I want things to last forever, when I want someone to be different than they are right now. Sadness is sitting somewhere other than here and now, wishing it were here and now.
Sadness is a lack of appreciation. Appreciation of the past, present and future.
Gratitude reminds me that I’m lucky for the love and many fine moments. And gratitude awakens me to the bliss right now, and the multitude of possibilities to come.
Sadness is not somewhere I like to wallow. I’ll touch down there, but I know it’s not home.
Crying, on the other hand, I do like.
But first, there are two types of crying I would not recommend:
– Crying on the phone. Through deep research, this always makes things worse.
– Crying on the way to work. Thorough research has shown this to be bad because you then need to invent reasons for your red eyes. Actually, I’ve never tried honestly saying to my boss, “Oh, I was just crying as I walked to work, but I’ll be fine now.” And, no, I don’t think I will.
What may surprise you is that I have found that:
– Crying while writing in a coffee shop is perfectly fine.
– Crying while walking down the street is fine.
– Crying while driving is pretty good if the traffic isn’t too bad.
I also don’t think crying at home is a good idea. This is like not having bulk chocolate at home.
So, as I got dressed and tears began to flow unexpectedly today, I thought, you know what, I want to have a really tremendous cry today. I want one of those clean out the ducts, let it go, healing cries. And I want to do it well before I leave for work.
I went for a walk. Found a nearby park, where only a dog and a cat were playing. I sat down with some potato chips and prepared to cry.
But, I couldn’t find the sadness or tears again, just happy memories that made me chuckle. One after the other of lovely moments that made me smile.
Then I became very peaceful, and thought nothing, just resting in the sun and nibbling potato chips. With the saltiness and crunch of the chips, the tears would not come. It was like they too wanted to just rest where they were, content, not wanting to ruin a perfectly good moment in the sun.